As a 27 year old woman who is neither engaged to be married, nor with child, I have become painfully aware that it's difficult to come by circumstances that warrant similar recognition and happy congratulations from those who surround me.
Admittedly, this increases my bitterness toward these situations. Oh, and I am very aware that it's no surprise to anyone out there that I am bitter in this situation, however, I implore you to at least attempt to understand where I'm coming from. After all, this is my blog.
I'm on the verge of a major life-change; a move across the country. This is all on my own accord and not the result of a forced decision, happenstance or anything of the like. This impending move, in addition to witnessing the opposing life-changes those around my age are forced in to, is providing further proof that this is, as childish as it sounds, just so unfair!
I couldn't be happier to make the journey across the country and start a life elsewhere; a change of weather and scenery, job prospects, social networking and activities, etc. I can't help but notice, though, that making such a grown-up change is never going to get the same reaction as, let's say, accidentally getting pregnant or falling into the ever-so-popular trend of, "LET'S GET MARRIED," or, even worse, a potential combination of the two in accidentally getting knocked up and deciding it would be for the best to get married.
With more and more people tripping into these circumstances at younger and younger ages, I am forced to wonder, "What am I going to have to do to get some sort of recognition?" Selfish? Adolescent? Sure. Blame society.
It sure would be nice to be congratulated on being sexually active and NOT becoming pregnant. Afterall, it seems easier to receive praise by accident than it is by avoiding it. "Good job, Kim! You haven't gotten knocked up in all the years you have been doing this." Or how about, "Congratulations on getting out of that HORRIBLE relationship before it became a life-long obligation! Here's some money!" Of course, the latter would imply that most marriages are held in the high esteem of life-long obligations, and nowadays, that is clearly not the case. I'd love to set up a non-baby-bridal-registry. They aren't an option.
I do understand that making the commitment of marriage or having a child are huge deals, I get it, however for those of us that have decided against one or both of these life-altering-situations, what can we possibly do to make up for it? Is there hope for us? Are there any responsible ways of making up for not wanting to increase the population? Can we do something to warrant gifts and praise for not doing these things? Or are we simply SOL?
I remember seeing a "Sex and the City" about this, where SJP says she never gets a congratulations card for being single and successful.
ReplyDeleteI realize I just admitted I saw SATC. And that I know people use the acronym SATC for the show. In my defense, I saw that episode in the company of women.
Have you ever imagined that this move across the country that you've eer so boldly decided to make is very hard on the family and friends that surround you? And of course, all are happy for you and excited to see you take charge of your life and do something that many others wish they could do, there are some that are having a very hard time dealing with this fact that you are no longer going to be accessible. It's taken many years for the three of us to become as close as we are, and now that we are this close, the idea that you are leaving is going to put a major strain on that relationship, and its terrifying on all accounts. I'm super happy for you, and couldn't be more proud...but if I sit and think about it for more than a few minutes, I practically break down in to tears, every time. Even as I write this I feel this pit in my stomach knowing that from now on, well after August, when I see you, there will be huge gaps in between, possibly major physical and professional changes, and that to know about your life, I'm gonna have to follow you on facebook. People aren't as proud of us as they are of themselves...they're happy they are gonna be grandparents, Uncles, great Aunts, etc. It's a selfish feeling when people have kids in my opinion. Sure they are happy for us, I dunno if proud is the correct descriptive word for that scenario though. I can tell you this though, I AM proud of you, and I am jealous of what your doing in a good way, and in a selfish way, I wish you were staying. I think about this every single day, and oh boy, do think such a huge combination of positive and negative thoughts about it. But at the end of it all, I'm proud of you for simply this, because it's what YOU want, and therefore YOU are going for it. That type of fortitude and determination is awe inspiring and certainly something to look forward to.
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