AAAaaaaand SCENE

I have that same feeling you have - I'm on a path to something great. There is something out there for me that I just haven't fucking found yet, but it's coming.

THIS IS NOT A HOPELESS BLOG. THIS IS NOT ANGRY, DESPITE THE CAPITAL LETTERS. THIS IS A DISCLAIMER. A BETTER WRITER WOULD HAVE PUT THIS AT THE BEGINNING. A BETTER WRITER WOULDN'T HAVE A MERE 10 BLOGS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS.

I have such support around me and the confidence that I'm great at anything I try and zero excuses as to why I'm not doing more. I'm self-destructive and, at times, self-sabotaging.

I have the tools and the toolbox and the tool shed and the tool belt and I'm being such a goddamn tool.

I have been given opportunities that so many people haven't been given and I've earned them after. I'm not saying everything came easy but I'm not saying anything didn't.

Some. Absolutely. Did.

So here we go, the minute I get free time I fill it right back up. I can't stay still and I cannot slow down because I will lose the momentum that took me 30 years to build up.

Something will happen and something will come of this. I have no doubt.

Look forward to an 11th entry in a few months.

I'm the Anti-Feminist

I'm not a feminist - in case the title didn't give it away, I fancy myself an anti-feminist; this does not mean I hate women, this doesn't mean I think we are a lesser species or we deserve fewer rights.

It does, however, mean I understand the world that we live in. I understand that the man I'm seeing is going to look at other women. I understand a man may want, from time to time, to call me his, "dirty little whore," at the appropriate time. I understand that while I type a sad excuse for a blog at nearly 3am that I miss the guy I'm thinking about.

I love women. I looooove women. I know we have a higher pain tolerance, I know we have the ability to withstand a great deal of tragedy while putting on a pretty face and I know, first hand, that we are very compassionate creatures, sometimes to a fault.

...

So cut the bullshit, ladies.

Expecting special, different  treatment is just as much an injustice to ourselves as demanding equality. We wanted equal rights - this means you're going to have to hold the door once in a while.

This means you're going to be the one to pick up the check, tell him he's whatever the boy-equivalent of, "beautiful," is, initiate sex.

Be a man, ladies.

...and I don't mean make out with him for a while and then unzip your pants and put your hand on the back of his head to guide him toward the promise land.

Wait.

Yes, I do.

Own that shit. Be a bitch at work because the people you work with are sub-intelligent. Cry at the silliest TV shows because they are all-too-relatable. Be self-conscious in a dress you are NOT used to wearing and worry when he doesn't text you back.

You're a human-fucking-being.

It's not about supporting one gender over another. It's not about being super-woman, feminist, we deserve this because we have been through this... ya ya sisterhood of the traveling bullshit that sets us back much more than just living the reality of feelings and how we live.

You. Are. Human.

So. Are. Men.

Stop. Just stop.

You're making life so much more difficult than it needs to be.

I'm home. It's 3am. I have to be at work at 9am and I spent the night doing laundry, performing improv and, the best part, talking with friends...I had an amazingly good night, as usual...and I was texting him every chance  I got.

Because I wanted to.

Because I'm a woman?

Because I'm a goddamn person who does what the fuck she wants to. I'm allowed to live a life that I love and also miss someone who isn't there.

This doesn't make me weak. This doesn't set us back. This just makes me a person.

Just like a woman.

Just like a man.